Holy @$&*!

The House of Representatives has totally lost it. Today, conservative congressmen dragged a 67-year-old Mexican immigrant into the chambers, spat on him, and beat him with clubs, laughing like loons, until the cries of "Por favor, no mas!" finally stopped.

No, not really. But there is at least a fifty percent chance it will happen tomorrow. I don't know whether to laugh at the insanity or cry because these immigration rants are actually meant to garner votes.

A few choice quotes from CNN.com:

"I say let the prisoners pick the fruits." - Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Cal, suggesting that prisoners be used to replace illegal immigrants as cheap farm labor.

At least he's blaming the right people - the Americans who hire illegal immigrants - but seriously, for the record, I do not want unpaid, angry convicts handling anything intended for my consumption. Thank you.

"Anybody that votes for an amnesty bill deserves to be branded with a scarlet letter A." - Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa.

Evidently, being nearly puritanical in their authoritarian policies is no longer enough for some conservative congressmen. That want to go all the way. Next step: pillaries for atheists, and public Wiccan burnings.

"I don't think he's concerned about alienating voters, he's not running for re-election." Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo, on why President Bush supports the comprehensive Senate Immigration Bill and not the House Holy-Shit-We-Need-To-Stock-Up-On-Barbed-Wire Bill, originally sponsored by Rep. Chicken Little, R-Neb.

Actually, given the way Hispanics voted in the last Presidential election, I think it's the House that, just maybe, might be alienating some voters here. Call it a hunch.

"The elite class in America is becoming a ruling class and they've made enough money by hiring cheap illegal labor that they think they also have some kind of a right to cheap servants to manicure their nails and their lawn, for example." - Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa.

Afterwards, Congressman King went back to his studio apartment in downtown Washington D.C., and was able to catch a few hours of sleep before heading off to his second job on the late-shift at Wendy's, despite two of his roomates staying up all night playing the latest 50 Cent album.

Perhaps I shouldn't poke such fun. The immigration issue is an important one, and not an easy one. We should at least maybe try to stay rational about it, though, instead of engaging in the kind of brilliant debate one would expect to catch at one a.m. in a redneck bar.

All in all, though, I hope they keep it up. Americans aren't particularly fond of hysteria in their elected leaders.

Rohrabacher said Americans should be able to "smell the foul odor that's coming out of the U.S. Senate."

Oh, I smell something coming, alright. I smell the November elections, and they're starting to smell sweet.