A Very Corny Christmas: The Mallard Fillmore Holiday Special
(Ed. Note: The comic referenced in this letter is not currently available online, due to an error on the cartoonist's website. If this error is fixed, the comic should be available here. To summarize, the main character of the strip, Mallard Fillmore, refuses to shop at Wal-Mart because the greeters say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Chrsitmas". The medium of the comic strip does not, for the record, make this stance any less inane.)
First of all, just to say this up front, "Mallard Fillmore" isn't funny. I mean, I get why it's there on the comics page. The paper wants to present some sort of balance, and the humorless right feels that truly funny comics like "The Boondocks" and "Non-Sequitur" give the left a voice where, without Mallard, the right would have none. The difference is obvious, though. "The Boondocks" is about the humorous mix of cultures when black urban youths move into a predominantly white suburb. "Non-Sequitur" is an absurdity/irony piece, and though lacking in solid storylines, draws humor from quite varied situations. Even "Doonsebury" intermixes political rhetoric with storylines about children of divorce, returning vets, and college freshmen. "Mallard Fillmore" serves no purpose but to poke fun at moderates and liberals, and to advance the misinformation of the neo-con party line. This is inherently an unfunny goal, but as the example above shows, it's not even carried out with any sense of humor at all. It's as if Tinsley believes that pompous indignation is inherently funny. Mostly, it just feels like he's trying too hard, and I end up feeling embarrassed for him.
Now, that said, the real reason I'm using this issue again is because in this particular case, I'm somewhat happy to hear about it. Oh, don't get me wrong. The undercurrent of vanity and self-righteousness is obvious, and it makes Theresa here look like just another martyr-wannabe. By the way, how sad is it that these people feel persecuted against because of the music they listen to while doing their Christmas shopping? The gassing of millions of Jews? Persecution. The bombing of Christian churches by radical Muslims in the Middle East? Persecution. The burning of Pagans at the stake? Persecution. You having to strain to hear "O Holy Night" while buying the latest Mandy Moore CD for little Tiffany? Not persecution. Granted, it's possible to use music as a form of torture (here I'm thinking specifically of Eminem), but it just doesn't cut it as a form of persecution. I'm not sure whether this complaint says more about the crass egotism of pseudoChristians or the overblown importance of commercialism in our culture, but either way, it makes me want a Paxil.
No, I'm happy to hear about this only because it means one less customer for Wal-Mart. Of course, Theresa, being the savvy consumer that she could very well be, might have driven next door to Sam's Club to finish her shopping there. That'll show those anti-Christian jerks at Wal-Mart! But anything that drives customers out of Wal-Mart is a good thing. I don't care if you're a liberal concerned about worker's rights or a conservative pissed off about the funneling of money out of the local economy, you have some reason to dislike Wal-Mart. A little more than a year after banning Jon Stewart's "America" for content that might offend conservatives, it's funny to see Wal-Mart find out just how loyal a horse they've backed. Sure worked out well for you, eh Wal-Mart? Oh, wait, they can't hear me. Their offices are insulated and soundproofed with rolls of thousand-dollar bills.
That aside, I know the neo-cons have spent years attempting to rewrite the constitution and the bible, but what the hell is with trying to rewrite Webster's Dictionary? Holiday is an English word, Theresa. It is defined as "1. a day fixed by law or custom on which ordinary business is suspended in commemoration of some event or in honor of some person. 2. any day of exemption from work. 3. a period of exemption from burden. 4. a religious festival; holy day.". In case you are unfamiliar with the usage of a dictionary, Theresa, the word can mean any one of those things, and doesn't necessarily need to conform to all of them. The word 'holiday' derives from 'holy day', but then the entire English language is derived predominantly from Germanic languages with a heavy influence from the Romantic languages. Unless you plan to start picking up German, don't pretend to be some sort of lingual originalist. Wal-Mart recognizes the holiday of Christmas, but as they do not cater solely to Christians, it would be bad business for them to marginalize their non-Christian customers, especially since so many non-Christians celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday (not Holyday). Just as you don't care that your Christmas tree began as a Pagan symbol of hope and renewal, secular Christmas revelers don't really care where the name of the holiday originated. Once again, you want to be catered to AT THE EXPENSE of everyone else. Why is it too much trouble to wait until you get home to listen to your Christmas CDs, Theresa? Why is your musical preference more important than anyone else's? It seems to me that it's probably because, as a Christian in America, you're used to getting your way and getting the preferential treatment that comes with being a member of the most prevalent religion. Of course, admitting this would mean admitting you're not being persecuted, and that would mean you can't play martyr, and that would mean you might have to develop a sense of empathy and social responsibility. Better just keep reading Mallard Fillmore and writing stupid letters to the editor.
To the Editor:
I applaud the creators of the comic strip "Mallard Fillmore" for their conviction in the Monday, Dec. 12, strip. I was in Wal-Mart this past week and I walked out just as Fillmore did when I heard the "piped-in" music being played. Any traditional music mentioning Christ or his birth was turned so low you had to strain to hear it. However, you had no difficulty hearing the secular tunes.
Where do these opponents of Christ in Christmas think the Holyday (not holiday) originated? Hurray for Mallard Fillmore!
Theresa
First of all, just to say this up front, "Mallard Fillmore" isn't funny. I mean, I get why it's there on the comics page. The paper wants to present some sort of balance, and the humorless right feels that truly funny comics like "The Boondocks" and "Non-Sequitur" give the left a voice where, without Mallard, the right would have none. The difference is obvious, though. "The Boondocks" is about the humorous mix of cultures when black urban youths move into a predominantly white suburb. "Non-Sequitur" is an absurdity/irony piece, and though lacking in solid storylines, draws humor from quite varied situations. Even "Doonsebury" intermixes political rhetoric with storylines about children of divorce, returning vets, and college freshmen. "Mallard Fillmore" serves no purpose but to poke fun at moderates and liberals, and to advance the misinformation of the neo-con party line. This is inherently an unfunny goal, but as the example above shows, it's not even carried out with any sense of humor at all. It's as if Tinsley believes that pompous indignation is inherently funny. Mostly, it just feels like he's trying too hard, and I end up feeling embarrassed for him.
Now, that said, the real reason I'm using this issue again is because in this particular case, I'm somewhat happy to hear about it. Oh, don't get me wrong. The undercurrent of vanity and self-righteousness is obvious, and it makes Theresa here look like just another martyr-wannabe. By the way, how sad is it that these people feel persecuted against because of the music they listen to while doing their Christmas shopping? The gassing of millions of Jews? Persecution. The bombing of Christian churches by radical Muslims in the Middle East? Persecution. The burning of Pagans at the stake? Persecution. You having to strain to hear "O Holy Night" while buying the latest Mandy Moore CD for little Tiffany? Not persecution. Granted, it's possible to use music as a form of torture (here I'm thinking specifically of Eminem), but it just doesn't cut it as a form of persecution. I'm not sure whether this complaint says more about the crass egotism of pseudoChristians or the overblown importance of commercialism in our culture, but either way, it makes me want a Paxil.
No, I'm happy to hear about this only because it means one less customer for Wal-Mart. Of course, Theresa, being the savvy consumer that she could very well be, might have driven next door to Sam's Club to finish her shopping there. That'll show those anti-Christian jerks at Wal-Mart! But anything that drives customers out of Wal-Mart is a good thing. I don't care if you're a liberal concerned about worker's rights or a conservative pissed off about the funneling of money out of the local economy, you have some reason to dislike Wal-Mart. A little more than a year after banning Jon Stewart's "America" for content that might offend conservatives, it's funny to see Wal-Mart find out just how loyal a horse they've backed. Sure worked out well for you, eh Wal-Mart? Oh, wait, they can't hear me. Their offices are insulated and soundproofed with rolls of thousand-dollar bills.
That aside, I know the neo-cons have spent years attempting to rewrite the constitution and the bible, but what the hell is with trying to rewrite Webster's Dictionary? Holiday is an English word, Theresa. It is defined as "1. a day fixed by law or custom on which ordinary business is suspended in commemoration of some event or in honor of some person. 2. any day of exemption from work. 3. a period of exemption from burden. 4. a religious festival; holy day.". In case you are unfamiliar with the usage of a dictionary, Theresa, the word can mean any one of those things, and doesn't necessarily need to conform to all of them. The word 'holiday' derives from 'holy day', but then the entire English language is derived predominantly from Germanic languages with a heavy influence from the Romantic languages. Unless you plan to start picking up German, don't pretend to be some sort of lingual originalist. Wal-Mart recognizes the holiday of Christmas, but as they do not cater solely to Christians, it would be bad business for them to marginalize their non-Christian customers, especially since so many non-Christians celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday (not Holyday). Just as you don't care that your Christmas tree began as a Pagan symbol of hope and renewal, secular Christmas revelers don't really care where the name of the holiday originated. Once again, you want to be catered to AT THE EXPENSE of everyone else. Why is it too much trouble to wait until you get home to listen to your Christmas CDs, Theresa? Why is your musical preference more important than anyone else's? It seems to me that it's probably because, as a Christian in America, you're used to getting your way and getting the preferential treatment that comes with being a member of the most prevalent religion. Of course, admitting this would mean admitting you're not being persecuted, and that would mean you can't play martyr, and that would mean you might have to develop a sense of empathy and social responsibility. Better just keep reading Mallard Fillmore and writing stupid letters to the editor.
posted by Zafrod at 11:43 AM
1 Comments:
For a real laugher, Google Pasadena and Menorah; a shopping mall their really did ban all religious displays (!)saying that the 13 foot menorah a local Jewish congregation had sponsored had to go. The 30 foot Christmas tree was allowed to remain because Mall Management said it was not religious(!) They actually participated in the War on Christmas! Er, and Chanukah. Boy was the religious right ticked at that!
Meanwhile, however, the obvious stooopidity of the Mall Managers in banning one religions holiday but not the other got the left pretty durn hot -- and the mall changed it's policy less than six hours after the policy hit the front page of the local paper.
People are STOOOOPID. Yes we are!
Hope you had a happy Solstice; may the new sun shine brightly on your year!
(Oops. Just occured to me you might be an FSM devotee; ah,well, then MARINARA!)
Post a Comment
<< Home